Thank you for stopping by my blog which was originally “our blog” but, well, now it is regrettably mine alone. Bummer.
If this is your first time here, I’ve written an overview below of what transpired throughout 2015 until the day the sky fell. That should catch you up. You can then use the tabs on the side under “Archives” to check out posts from various months and see what was happening and how we got through. (Spoiler alert …. there is no happy ending to this story, but I am aiming to get to a peaceful place.) If you read the overview below, you will be reasonably caught up.
I hope you get something from this. Maybe some inspiration, or possibly just a little comfort that someone else knows what you’re going through. Feel free to contact me if you want to talk. (click here to see my profile and contact information)
If this blog helps you in any way or if you think my words may be of help or comfort to others just to know they aren’t alone, send it out into cyber land, Facebook land, Twitter land, Blog land …. where ever it may reach just the person who needs it. Share it, link it …. do whatever you want with it.
Here it is in a nutshell. Read on …
On April 8, 2015, the strong, steadfast, honourable, mighty, kind, dedicated-to-the-safety-of-the-country, 46 year young Ben Saint-Onge, known as “The Titan”, was told that he had cancer. It was not good news. Especially when we were eventually told that it was “Collecting Duct Carcinoma,” a rare and incurable type of cancer that chooses it prey without rhyme or reason. Just bad luck, they say. You think?
Ben and I have shared our lives together since we were 22 and 23 years old. Two careers, three kids, a lot of love (sometimes a lot of strong dislike), some tough times, some wonderful times, five homes and dreams to travel the world together once the “wee ones” left the nest. We were each other’s best friend, and this shitty news knocked us back.
The Titan was determined to fight. Of course he was. We started this blog because Ben loves to write (his dream was to publish a novel in retirement) and because I like to talk (surprise!) and vomit my feelings all over without much of a filter. It was the perfect podium for us to share together to keep our loved ones updated and to share what was happening in our lives. No holds barred.
We agreed to be fully honest in this blog but I never really was. I couldn’t be, because Ben never wanted to hear anything that would destroy his faith in his ability to beat this shit enemy and live. He wanted to fight, and fight he did. Hard. He inspired many. And so I kept some of the information from the doctors to myself and acted as the buffer between them and Big Bad Ben. That’s the way Ben wanted it.
Ben died nine months later on January 13, 2016. We are still reeling from the pain. At times it is intolerable, and I have taken over this blog to say, well, pretty much anything I want. Now it is fully honest.
Writing about Ben makes me feel like he is still with us. It helps me have a voice to say what really went on this past year, without having to hide or filter. It helps me honour Ben, and he should be honoured because he helped protect the public in ways that most of you will never know or understand. Then after doing that every day for 23 years, he would come home from work and, despite all the odds and in contradiction of everything he learned growing up, he was a faithful and gentle husband and a loving and devoted parent. He was The Titan in more places than just work. He overcame. (Click here to read his obituary)
While Ben was sick I followed many blogs of people going through similar situations, and it helped me immensely to know we weren’t alone. I hope that others can be helped by reading this blog and knowing they too aren’t alone.
Thank you for reading it. When people get to know My Ben it makes me happy. I feel I am keeping him alive, and that is what he would have wanted.
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