Wednesday morning. Two weeks since Ben received the news. And here I sit, having coffee while Jaime is out for a run, Raegan is getting ready for school, and Zach has a coffee and is reading through his daily text so that he is adequately armed to keep himself safe and sober for his day. And I wonder, as I’m sure many have before me….how can the world just keep spinning? How does life go on like normal for everyone else, while Ben suffers in physical and emotional pain?
The news we already told the kids was bad enough, but they trusted us that everything would be simple and fine, and now it is anything but simple.
Jaime passed her ‘L’, Zach tests for his ‘N’ tomorrow, Raegan needs art supplies….everything just keeps on keeping on. And all i can think is, “What the fuck is happening here?”
Ben needs a PET scan. There is one machine in Vancouver. ONE? Well, actually two, but one is out of commission. Seriously? How can there be ONE bloody working machine in Vancouver? How can it be that everyone says “If you have to get cancer, the best place to be is Vancouver.” Well, I’m not so sure. Because we have one damn PET scan machine. Also, I’m not even sure what that is going to do. Tell him he has cancer? We already know that…lets get that shit out!
I wrote the above portion of this post this morning. I had to take a break to get Ben to the doctor for better meds. Since that time, Ben and I have gone to see our GP. Thank God for our GP. Seriously. You will never see me call him anything other then Dr B in this blog, because if I use his full name you will all look him up and try to get him to take you on as patients. And that cannot happen, because I’m selfish right now and I want him to ourselves.
Anyway, he gave us a couple of “feel good” examples of horrible situations he has dealt with in his practice, and told us how they beat all the odds. That made us both feel better. He told us to be clear in our understanding that the specialists will all give us the worst news because that is their job, but that he can keep us filled with optimism from all the good stories he has personal knowledge of in his own practice. I’m going with that!
Also, he gave Ben some new / better drugs to help control the pain. I am just waiting to pick them up now. And he is also sending us the info we need to go to Seattle and pay for our own PET scan, which my mom and dad have so generously offered to pay for. Screw this waiting around. Lets get ‘er done! (and thank you Mom and Dad xoxoxoxo)
As I write this post, Ben just got a call regarding the spinal surgeon we (hopefully) see on Friday. We should receive a call this afternoon from Dr A’s office (kidney surgeon) to let us know what time to go see the spinal surgeon on Friday. In the meantime, I just texted my GP to inquire if this is THE best spinal surgeon to see. He responded and said that he is an excellent surgeon (whew!), but if we don’t like him he will send us to another excellent one. Right now we are waiting for Dr B to let us know which one HE thinks we should see, but ultimately we need “the best” and of course, the sooner the better.
Dr B once told me that the best surgeons are often the biggest assholes – I’m ok with that because my charming personality will win the surgeon over anyway. Right? Lol. I’ve charmed lots of doctors in my time. I can work with this one too.
So now I am feeling a bit better then I was yesterday or this morning. My optimism is back and I am prepared for the “bad news” from the surgeon on Friday, but I will not get discouraged and I will remind myself of what Dr B said…. thats their job. Say what they want, there is not a chance that Ben won’t kick this. He will end up being the good news story that Dr B tells around the time Ben is walking the girls down the aisle.
I can’t wait to walk the streets of Greece with Ben as I have been dreaming of for years. 2016 might just be that year. And check this out…I just figured out how to drop a photo in here.
Have a marvellous day – the sun is shining and we’re all alive. 🙂
PS. Don’t believe Ben when he writes about me being scattered. He keeps making fun of me and says he’s going to blog about it and tell the world the truth. Truthfully, HE is not clear in his instructions. Lol. And also, I already know he is going to say “Why can’t we go somewhere that I want to go after I’m better? Its not MY dream to go to Greece.” Blah blah blah. He wants to go to Iceland. Which one would you pick first? Thats right….I know which one.