Its after midnight as I write this. I went out to the sky train quite late to pick up Zach who was returning home after an evening of staying connected and sober. Thank God, because my great fear (well, one of them) is “how will Zach handle all of this.”
After a year of intense effort, my husband and son now have a relationship that looks like this:
Which is a huge upswing from this:
On the ride home, Zach was talking about Ben and he said to me suddenly (with all his almost 19 year old wisdom), “Stay off of Google, Mom.” My heart sank, and I asked Zach if he had been googling Ben’s condition. He said “No. Peter (one of the counsellors in New West) told me to stay off of Google, and I think you should too.”
Good advice son.
Then he let me know that there was evidence to suggest that in war times, men who were shot that were over the age of 40 were more likely to survive then younger men. He said that the theory is that younger men don’t have enough life experience to know how worth it that it is to fight. He said that men over 40 know that sometimes shitty things happen in life, but its worth living and fighting to live regardless. So they do. And they survive.
Well, my Ben is over 40 and he has a LOT to live for! Like this:
So Ben, we both know that these appointments are not fun, and I’m sure the one today will be no exception. But with each one we get a little closer to getting something done about helping you. Regardless of how difficult these days can be, remember that the battle is worth it because you are so loved, and we are all standing beside you to do battle with you. You are not alone. Never alone.
And we will stay off Google.
Forever loving you deeply and madly,