Fart Stories Are Funnier, But You Get My Heart

As Dan pointed out in my previous post, fart stories are funnier then my musings about watching Ben suffer.  I agree … they are.  I laughed when I read Ben’s post too.

I do want to tell funny stories of how we are getting through this, and in fact there are some.  Our life is not all doom and gloom and I don’t want anyone to think it is.  I smile and laugh with Ben every day (mostly when he farts, ironically), and although we tend to avoid actual discussions about “living in the moment” and “mindfulness” it is clear that is where we both are.  Thats a good thing, I think.  Everyone talks about doing it but then gets carried away with life and the years pass without anyone knowing where they went.  Well, we are really doing it.  We are living and loving in the moment.  Hopefully we will live and love in the moment for another 50 years together.

We love each other whole heartedly and in a very real way.  We appreciate each other more, and we make a greater effort to tell each other. Sometimes we still argue (it is usually Ben’s fault) and we hug each other alot.  Ben is actively trying to get all those home chores done that I have been nagging him about for four years …. today he finally bought weather stripping and a filter for the furnace.  Thank you, My Love.  (Now could you possibly replace the phone jack cover that has been missing for almost three years?)  I appreciate that Ben cares about getting things done for me, because he loves me.

Instead of telling funny stories, I tend to use this blog as a way to blow off some emotional steam.  I don’t have a lot of options, after all.  I don’t want to worry the kids, I don’t want to have negative discussions with Ben, and quite frankly I’m sure that my girlfriends can only take so much of my constant cancer discussions.  (I try to spread it out between friends, but I know the topic must be wearing thin.) Crying occasionally in the bath tub is helpful, but I like to get it out in the blog.  I feel better after I put it on ‘paper’, so to speak.

It truly hurts my heart to see my Gentle Ben in pain.  Its a horrible feeling to be helpless and unable to make My Love feel better.  I don’t want to sink into a constant state of broken heartedness, so I prefer to get it all out here.  Isn’t that what psychologists tell you to do?  Write it down and then move on.

So I doubt you will often get a fart story out of me.  Those will come from Ben.  From me you will get my heart, but know that once its out I am able to move on and share some laughs with My Man.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  Tell your family why you are grateful.  Live in the moment.  Hug each other a lot.

Wendy xo

PS.  Chris, if you are reading this, know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers daily.  And even though I emailed this screen shot of my FB page to you, I wanted to give it a permanent place in our blog.  You are a Titan.

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15 thoughts on “Fart Stories Are Funnier, But You Get My Heart

  1. Happy Thanksgiving to you, Wendy and Ben and all your blog followers. ( in my Best Joe Friday imitation ever…..anything you say or do in your blog will NOT be held against you ) This is your site and it is an honor to be invited to share your journey. It’s good to get things out, for myself I call it flushing my brain. Getting rid of some of the bad feelings leaves more room for the good ones to sneak in.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy thanksgiving !! To be able to recognize your blessings even in times that are challenging is a gift. I am glad that you are able to put your stresses and fears and sadness into words. You have a great talent when it comes to your writing. Personally i laughed louder over your idea of slipping in a few pictures with your research papers to Dr K than I did over the fart incident..although my husband thought it was hilarious. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sorry I missed your turkey and turnip. Great to see you all on Friday. You know my house is your house too should you need to blow off steam or just want to visit.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am still greatly saddened at the lack of basic fart terminology possessed by our Ben. Luckily for you, I am WebMD and I can expand my research into all sorts of areas of expertise and keep you both on top of your game.

    viva la blue angels.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I find it interesting how the blog just somehow seems to know which faces to apply to which people. I believe mom has the grey hair and glasses. Then there is you and Nancy….see what I mean?

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      • I did try to change my avatar to no avail. Wendy, do tell Do you have admin rights such that you have set our avatars as angry faces? Did you give your mom grey hair?

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  5. Blog away your feelings my friend. We are by your side. The good the bad and the ugly. Oh and the occasional farts stories. 😉. It helps me to read and understand a little of what you are going through and I hope it helps you to write it and let it out. 😘

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  6. Reblogged this on Mom is a widow and commented:

    I finally took the leap and called someone in to fix my computers. They have all been quite a mess since Ben died. Anyway, he had to haul them away and it is hard to use my phone to write blog posts … hence my silence.

    Today, as usual, I was flipping through my calendar and the blog to see what I was doing this day last year. It’s how I keep Ben close and trick myself into thinking he’s still here. (I live in this weird place somewhere in the middle of reality and wishful thinking.) I found this post from last year. I remember my fingers on the keyboard as I typed it out. Chris had also been recently diagnosed and Ben was suffering through that heartbreak too.

    I wrote out my hope that Ben and I would be living in the moment together 50 years in the future, but I knew it wasn’t true. Like every other day that passed, I knew that Thanksgiving 2015 was to be our last Thanksgiving together. I embraced it at that moment but I wasn’t able to hang onto it. Thanksgiving has always been my favourite holiday and last year was no different. Our family was together and Ben was still reasonably strong, but I knew our last moments were ticking away.

    I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save you, Ben. I think that thought every day. I’m just so sorry.

    Yesterday we gathered together as a family once again – this year with one new boyfriend and one new girlfriend in the mix. Neither of them had the pleasure of knowing The Titan, but they joined us in a shot of Kracken to remember him.

    Here’s hoping everyone enjoyed the day and gave their family a little extra love. Here’s to Ben.

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