I Can’t Even Give This A Title

With a broken heart I briefly update you all to let you know that yesterday morning I had to call an ambulance for Ben, as he had been in so much abdominal pain overnight.  A CT scan at the hospital revealed what we all feared – that the Nivolumab has not worked and the disease has further progressed.

There are no adequate words to describe our devastation.

While Ben continues to express a desire to fight hard, his body is also sending him signals that he cannot ignore, as he asked me to bring the kids back to the hospital last night despite having spent hours with him during the day.  We had some very meaningful time together as a family last night.  We plan to continue to have more meaningful time together for as long as we can.

It is our plan to go back to the hospital this morning and try to bring Ben home today with nursing care.  He wants to be at home surrounded by our love, and we want him here.  This is where he belongs, in this house built on struggles, determination, and an indescribable amount of love.  We are the Saint-Onge Five.  We will always be the Saint-Onge Five.

Please know that all your love and support means so much to us, but I do ask you to understand that I am very preoccupied with The Titan and Our Kids, and it is difficult at times to respond to texts.  Those of you who know me well, you know that I am always very focussed on the task at hand when the shit hits the fan, and right now my sole focus is on the four loves of my life.

Many of you who love Ben dearly but are not in close proximity are sending me texts of support.  Thank you.  I do receive them, I just cannot always answer.  Writing on this blog is a good way to send your messages as I can sit peacefully when times are quiet and read them.

With much love and appreciation, and an understanding that many more hearts are broken in addition to our own,

Wendy, Zak, Jaime and Raegan