Living Each Moment

We brought Ben home in the early morning hours of Thursday Jan 7th. And by early, I mean EARLY.  Just after midnight.  That was after waiting all day for an ambulance transport home.

After much joint effort from people too numerous to mention (but thank you all) we arranged nursing care in our home for Ben from 8am to 8pm each day.  I was overwhelmed with all the injections etc that he requires, so despite thinking that I could take all this on myself I discovered that I could not.  I want to be his wife, so someone else can be the nurse. In any case, having the nurse come in just to administer medications has been very helpful and has allowed me to stop worrying endlessly that I am going to make a mistake.

Dr B came by our house on Thursday night.  Thats right …. a house call. Have I mentioned what a great doctor he is?  Although, The Titan definitely deserves it, since he has spent his life being so strong and doing so much for others.  Its time to give back and be strong for him, and thats what people are doing.  Thanks for that, Dr B.

Ben had a very straightforward conversation with Dr B while he was here. For Ben it was a turning point.  He trusts his oncology team, but ultimately it all comes down to Dr B.  If Dr B says it is so, then it is so.  And sadly, Dr B says it is so.

There will be no more Nivolumab.  Heartbreakingly, it has not worked and the cancer has progressed.  The cancer (small “c”) has moved into the muscle of Ben’s stomach (I’m sure there is more technical and specific terminology, but that is how I understand it to be), and once in there it spread rapidly.

And so, to quote another person’s blog I follow who is in the same position as us, we have brought Ben home, not to die, but to live every moment.  I remind Ben daily that he is in fact alive.  Alive to be around those who love him most in this world, and who are most important to him.  Alive to see his beautiful children.  Alive to be reminded constantly of what a great husband / father / friend / man he is.  I continue to be astounded every day by Ben’s strength. He is amazing.  There is no one who could have fought as hard as Ben.

2016m

Damn right he answers to “The Titan.”

 

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4 thoughts on “Living Each Moment

  1. You are ALL so amazing and inspiring. Not a minute goes by that you don’t creep into my thoughts. I’m sending as much love and positivity and healing vibes your way as possible. You know where to find me if you need me. xo

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  2. Ben, Wendy I miss you guys. I have dear memories of the friendship, the laughter…and the simple quiet moments over coffee. I may be sitting alone in a Montreal suburb tonight but my heart & soul are back in B.C. at this moment. Ben, many thanks for the recent texts, you have inspired me to be a better man, father & Mountie. I love & miss you.
    Your buddy forever,
    Spoonchest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gary, I am sorry for what is also your loss. I do miss our early days. We all had a lot of fun together. Raise your glass to The Titan. xo

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