Gone, Gone, Gone

The day after Ben’s “Celebration of a Life Well Lived”, I sent Zak to McDonalds with my bank card (parenting at its best) and he returned home to inform me that there was no money in the account.  What?!  We had just been paid three days earlier, and while it is true that I did spontaneously decide to take my yearly shopping spree on payday, two days before Ben’s service, there still should have been plenty of money in that account.

That is the problem with the division of labor in marriages … I earned the money (along with Ben, of course), but he managed the money, invested the money, paid the bills, set up the online banking etc etc etc.  We liked it that way.  Too many hands in the banking pot makes for missed payments or double payments, and I had a lot of other things to manage besides the finances.

So I drove down to one of our banks to try to get them to teach me how to move money online to the other bank where we keep the account that was now empty.  I spoke to a very nice teller but I found the whole thing so frustrating.  I stood there getting angrier and angrier at Ben for not having fixed all of these things before he passed away.  His refusal to acknowledge the inevitable that was coming was very helpful to both of us in allowing us to live with hope, but it was so frustrating when I was easily able to see that a few months down the road I would be exactly where I am right now …. sad, frustrated, and angry at having to learn so much at a time when I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Just as I felt the tears coming and I was swearing at Ben in my head, all of a sudden I listened and there it was.  “Gone Gone Gone” by Phillip Phillips playing over the speakers in the bank.  The same song I had chosen to end Ben’s video montage at his service.  And in typical fashion, Ben didn’t choose to calm me down by having a song play with the words “I’m sorry” in it.  Nope.  Not his style.  (For anyone who attended the service you may recall me mentioning that Ben’s face seemed to be physically unable to form the words “I’m sorry”.  For any reason.  Instead he would joke and tease us as a way to ask forgiveness.  So I shouldn’t be surprised that a song didn’t play with the words “I’m Sorry.”  But the timing of “Gone Gone Gone” worked well – it made me smile and forgive Ben for being the worst planner ever.  I was able to move the money and everything is ok for now.  In that area, anyway.

On a side note, I did end up discovering the problem.  His paycheque was retracted the moment he passed away.  Its not that I don’t get it, its just that they lump it in with the next couple months of his cheques.  Which is fine, but a heads up would have been nice when the mortgage has to be paid.  Lesson to everyone out there who works for my company.  Make sure you keep your account flush to cover the mortgage etc, and don’t go on a shopping spree to make yourself feel better.

Ben’s service was everything I had hoped and planned for.  I believe it went off without a hitch, but I am not up for talking about it right now, so I’m going to sign off.

I miss Ben horribly and it gets worse every day, now that the service is over.  I want to curl up in a hole and not surface for about a year. Right now he sleeps in our room so we can say good night and good morning.  How I wish we could have him back.

IMG_4596       IMG_4634

The guitar picks were made to be hung on people’s keychains – contact me if you didn’t get one


After his service we had family and close friend gathering.  Ben (above) stayed with us and we gave him a bottle of Kraken – just as he would have wanted.


The next night we took a limo down to Vancouver to see Bryan Callens’ comedy show (for anyone who doesn’t remember, we met him the night we saw Doyle Bramhall II in LA.  He is a comedian, an actor, and he hosts Ben’s favourite podcast – The Fighter And The Kid). We laughed our asses off at his comedy, just as Ben would have wanted.  Bryan gave Ben a shout out during his show, and then Zak and I met him after his performance where I was able to give him a guitar pick keychain and a program from his service that shows Ben wearing the Fighter And The Kid t-shirt.

A fitting tribute to the man who meant everything to four of us, and is terribly, heart breakingly missed by us and so many others.

4 thoughts on “Gone, Gone, Gone

  1. Wendy, the service for Ben was excellent. Uncle Mike and I were so glad to see your Mom and Dad’s generation represented so well. Seeing all the Red Serge was deeply moving to us. . The time will come, years from now, when you will be the old folks who wonder why some are so fortunate as to hit old age ( and still bitch about the aches and pains) and never understand why good, young people are taken away so unfairly. Uncle Mike says “money…they print it every day”. Love, friends and family…well, you know the saying! Priceless.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wendy, the service for Ben was exceptional,a loving tribute to an incredible man. I love my brother so much and I am grateful that he was able to share his life with such a strong partner. I am happy to hear that he is with you at home as he is with his family and always will be❤️😘

    I absolutely love the guitar pick and I wear it on my chain so I can hold it and feel close to him….thank you for this memorable gift, I will treasure it ❤️❤️❤️ You are strong Wendy and that strength and love for your children will guide you on this new path…Ben will always be with you, reminding you of his love and presence through music🎶🎶❤️

    Liked by 2 people

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