Father’s Day 2016

Dear Ben,

I write this to you at 4:50 am.  I haven’t yet had a lick of sleep after a night filled with tears, anger and everything in between.

The kids are finally asleep and I can rest now, but I feel compelled to write to you instead, on Father’s Day.

I want you to know that you were an amazing father.  A dad, actually, because anyone can be a father but you …. you were a DAD.  A caring, compassionate, loving, hands on Dad, just like my own. Together we raised loving, compassionate, strong willed, kind and hard working kids. Thank you for being the kind of Dad who loved our kids so deeply that they miss you beyond measure.

I want you to know that we are doing ok.  Yes, tonight was one of “those” nights, but it’s only because they loved you so deeply that they find your absence unbearable at times.  The pain they feel from your loss is a testament to the kind of Dad you were.

I flounder at times when I don’t know how to help them cope, but I can always hear your voice reminding me to breathe, and to be gentle and understanding.  I feel you near us.

As much as I miss being able to see you, when I look at pictures like this from last Father’s Day (click here to read the post from Father’s Day 2015) and I remember how hard it was for you to open your eyes just so that I could take the picture, I feel relief that you are no longer in pain.

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I think that nights like tonight have to happen in order to help us work through this grief. Those faces may not have been smiling tonight, and they may not smile today, but they do still smile.

Know that you are loved and remembered every day.  You made an impact in this world. The countless number of people who have written us letters with memories of you are a testament to you and how you lived your life.  There is no one who knew you who wasn’t aware of the love you had for our kids.  I’m eternally grateful for that.

You wondered if your life mattered.  It surely did.  To all those who knew you and even those who didn’t.

Cheers to The Titan.  To My Ben.  To Big Daddy B.  Happy Dad’s Day.

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