Happy Anniversary. Twenty three years.
In hindsight we probably should have invested some money in a proper videographer.
That day was definitely not the wedding we had planned, was it? It was hot, we were sweaty, the limo broke down on the side of the road, my hair wasn’t looking it’s best and the DJ at the reception (aka: our limo driver) used records instead of cd’s. Records, Ben. It was like we were back in the late 80’s again! Do you remember what you said? You said, “It can only get better from here.” You were right.
We had a lot of change between September 24, 1994 and September 24, 1995, didn’t we? That may have been the most change crammed into one year that we ever experienced over the twenty to follow. Do you remember how we planned and built our first home together? How we stayed up late and drew it out on graph paper so we could plan out where to put the furniture we couldn’t afford. I remember you made little couches out of graph paper so we could move them around. Do you remember how we carved our initials in the sidewalk when it was finally finished?
Do you remember how, shortly after our house was built and we moved in, that we discovered we were having a baby? In fact we found out the day before our first anniversary. We had a secret as you went off to work that afternoon.
The 20 years between that video and this picture were quite the ride, weren’t they?
That was us on the plane in 2015, on September 23rd, on our way to LA to spend our 21st anniversary watching Doyle Bramhall jam on his guitar. Your dream. I am so fucking glad you got to experience that. I am so fucking glad we had that time. And I’m sorry for using the word “fucking” so emphatically, but it’s appropriate, don’t you think? I also miss you so fucking badly.
Here you are, on our 21st anniversary:
Here you are, on our 22nd anniversary:
I am tempted to dig that up so I can refill your bottle of Kracken. I feel like you need a fresh bottle so you can raise a glass with me, but then again, I suspect you probably have full access to all the Kracken you want up there in Heaven. Or at least all the wine you want, for sure.
Here’s the link (click here) to some of the video from our anniversary last year, in case you want to revisit how we all finished off that bottle in your honour. Even Dad, who was sick.
Ben, I miss you terribly. I think you know that though. I feel you around a lot, so I think you must know. I wouldn’t trade a minute of our lives together. None of it. We didn’t really have the easiest twenty one years, but the challenges we faced certainly made us a stronger couple and I’m really grateful to have known that kind of love. The honest kind. The kind where we could admit that there were times we couldn’t stand each other but we pushed through and came out the other side stronger and happier. I think we set a good example for the kids, with our marriage. I didn’t always think that, but now I do. They have now been taught what real love looks like in real life, not on Face Book. And they have seen the most honest, true and profound love they ever could as they watched us navigate the last months of your life here on earth.
Thanks for being my partner. I wish I had thirty more anniversaries with you here together, but I am grateful for the twenty one we had. I know that’s more than most.
I know that anniversary gifts weren’t really our thing, but if you’re feeling extra generous this year then there is one thing I would really love and it won’t cost you a dime. I want to see you in my dreams tonight. Please. I want to talk to you again for five minutes. I want to see you when I tell you I love you, and I want to hear you say, “And ‘oo”. Please. Please.
Happy anniversary Ben, as they say. I will search for you today.
With everlasting, eternal love and gratitude for the time I had with you,