Fart Stories Are Funnier, But You Get My Heart

As Dan pointed out in my previous post, fart stories are funnier then my musings about watching Ben suffer.  I agree … they are.  I laughed when I read Ben’s post too.

I do want to tell funny stories of how we are getting through this, and in fact there are some.  Our life is not all doom and gloom and I don’t want anyone to think it is.  I smile and laugh with Ben every day (mostly when he farts, ironically), and although we tend to avoid actual discussions about “living in the moment” and “mindfulness” it is clear that is where we both are.  Thats a good thing, I think.  Everyone talks about doing it but then gets carried away with life and the years pass without anyone knowing where they went.  Well, we are really doing it.  We are living and loving in the moment.  Hopefully we will live and love in the moment for another 50 years together.

We love each other whole heartedly and in a very real way.  We appreciate each other more, and we make a greater effort to tell each other. Sometimes we still argue (it is usually Ben’s fault) and we hug each other alot.  Ben is actively trying to get all those home chores done that I have been nagging him about for four years …. today he finally bought weather stripping and a filter for the furnace.  Thank you, My Love.  (Now could you possibly replace the phone jack cover that has been missing for almost three years?)  I appreciate that Ben cares about getting things done for me, because he loves me.

Instead of telling funny stories, I tend to use this blog as a way to blow off some emotional steam.  I don’t have a lot of options, after all.  I don’t want to worry the kids, I don’t want to have negative discussions with Ben, and quite frankly I’m sure that my girlfriends can only take so much of my constant cancer discussions.  (I try to spread it out between friends, but I know the topic must be wearing thin.) Crying occasionally in the bath tub is helpful, but I like to get it out in the blog.  I feel better after I put it on ‘paper’, so to speak.

It truly hurts my heart to see my Gentle Ben in pain.  Its a horrible feeling to be helpless and unable to make My Love feel better.  I don’t want to sink into a constant state of broken heartedness, so I prefer to get it all out here.  Isn’t that what psychologists tell you to do?  Write it down and then move on.

So I doubt you will often get a fart story out of me.  Those will come from Ben.  From me you will get my heart, but know that once its out I am able to move on and share some laughs with My Man.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.  Tell your family why you are grateful.  Live in the moment.  Hug each other a lot.

Wendy xo

PS.  Chris, if you are reading this, know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers daily.  And even though I emailed this screen shot of my FB page to you, I wanted to give it a permanent place in our blog.  You are a Titan.


Adventures in CT Scanning

Well today was the big day. I finally got my CT Scan to see if the treatment modalities had any effect on my tumours.

It was relatively uneventful. I showed up, they laid me down on the table that slides into the CT donut-looking machine. Then the two nurses tried to do an IV on my right arm – didn’t work. Then they tried my left arm – worked. They slid me into the machine and warned me that they were injecting the dye and I would be feeling “sensations”. I did feel the sensations, which felt like I peed all over myself. Yup pretty bizarre and totally accurate. Anyways…

Then they did the scan, which took all of 3 minutes (I was kind of pissed that I put $4 in the parking meter giving my an 1h20min parking) and said “Ok, we’re done!” Now here comes the reason why I used the word “relatively” in the previous paragraph. Once they rolled my table out of the donut it was time for me to get up. I was offered an arm to assist me, which I accepted. Who turns a pretty girl down? One, two, three and up we went. That’s when I let out the loudest fart you could ever imagine. The second nurse jumped and the one holding my arm started laughing uncontrollably. The second nurse smiled and said “Is that your final remark?” then burst into laughter. What could I say but “Whoops. Sorry about that. I bet that happens all of the time.” Then I joined in.

At least I left them with smiles on their faces. What better gift than a little stinker and a smile.