It is possible that I may have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself today. I was tidying up the office and rehanging some pictures of Ben and just generally feeling ripped off. When the kids were very young it was always Ben who helped them plan for Mother’s Day. I clearly remember my very first Mother’s Day when Ben wrote a card to me. He tried to make his printing look like a child’s (not hard for him … ever see his handwriting?) and signed it from Zak. Every year after he would arrange for the kids to do something special for me, usually involving money and a trip to the nursery to start picking flowers for the upcoming gardening season.
Ben thought my job as a Mother was the most important job there could be.
So I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself and thinking about my own loss when it occurred to me that my Mom doesn’t have her mom here anymore. Neither does my Dad.
Late last year when I attended a grief group I came out of it with an understanding that it doesn’t matter how old someone is when they lose their spouse, the pain is just as intense. My pain was no greater than the woman in her eighties who had lost her spouse of over fifty years. So it stands to reason that on the eve of this Mother’s Day, my mom and dad must miss their own mothers terribly. I don’t know if I ever really thought about that before.
Both my Grandmothers were amazing women. I’m so lucky I got to know them and spend time with them until I was well into adulthood. When they died they weren’t old, but they weren’t young either. I guess I thought on some level that it was natural and therefore must be less painful to my parents. I now know I was wrong.
I am sorry that I don’t have Ben here with me this Mother’s Day, but I am sorrier for my parents that they don’t have their own Mothers with them. I still have my Mom, thank God. I cannot imagine a day without my own Mom (you too, Dad), and I doubt it matters how old one is on Mothers Day when they can’t give their own mom a kiss. It must hurt, and I am grateful that I don’t know that pain myself.
So, on this eve of Mother’s Day 2017 I will put away my own sadness to remember how lucky I am. I still have my Mom. Not only do I still have her but I also live close to her and I get to see her and spend time with her whenever I want. She is an amazing woman. She is a strong woman. She is a dependable woman. She is a devoted Mom. The best. I should tell her more often.
I am also extremely grateful that I get to be a Mom this Mother’s Day. That all three of my children are happy and thriving and alive. That they love me enough to not only change their schedules tomorrow to be around for me, but to want to also take me out alone the next evening for some Saint-Onge Mom and Young Adults Time. Just us. Not everyone gets that.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there. To the ones who grieve the loss of their own moms. To the ones who grieve the loss of those who used to call them Mom. To all the Women Warriors who fought a battle to hear someone call them Mom. Happy Mothers Day. You are all awesome.
Mostly, Happy Mother’s Day to My Mom, Maureen. A beautiful, kind and loving Mother. The greatest Woman Warrior I know.
How lucky am I?!