I think I may be the luckiest mother in the world, a lot of which has to do with Ben’s years of dedication to our kids and what he taught them as he led by example. Resilience is the word of the day, and we all learned it from him.
I had a very easy childhood. Ben did not. But Ben learned resilience and I never needed to until I became an adult and, well, adult things happened. Thank God I had Ben to learn from. I draw on his lessons constantly now, and often think “What would Ben do?” I usually know the answer.
On Mother’s Day last year I was deeply suffering. You can read about it here. I am still suffering, but on this Mother’s Day there was some laughter and a lot of love.
Last year around this time the girls were in the Volleyball Provincials, and neither they nor I (nor Ben) were able to enjoy it. This year, however, I spent the day today watching Raegan play in the finals, and I was able to focus and actually see her and finally, after sitting silently on the sidelines for a year, I was able to actually cheer. Out loud. Her team took first place in their tier.
From there we went over to Mom and Dad’s and had the traditional Insley Family Bar-b-que. And we smiled. And laughed.
You may notice there are people missing from the pictures. Jaime was working, although I did manage to get 5 minutes with her before she ran off to bed …
… and Lisa, Brett and the kids couldn’t make it over. Dad bought an ice cream cake (with gluten. Sorry, Ben, but I have a feeling you are pigging out on gluten in Heaven anyway) and had it decorated like this…
… but since Lisa failed to make it to the party, I redecorated it …
Tough luck, sister. That’s what you get! (Not that it matters … I was always the favourite child anyway.)
The kids wrote me a beautiful card …
… and bought me some flowers and hand cream I had been wanting for about a month. I love it. Everyone else thinks it smells horrible. Oh well.
One final note about the weekend … I woke up with a migraine on Saturday. As in, I opened my eyes and two seconds later I realized a migraine was coming on strong. I’m probably the only person in the world who can get a migraine before her day even begins. In any case, I am sick of the migraines and the medications, none of which work. So I took a spontaneous step and drove myself to the local tattoo and piercing parlour where they stabbed me by hand (it hurt something fierce) through the part of the ear that is said to be an acupuncture point to prevent migraines. So here is my new teenager-looking ear:
The top piercing I did actually get as a teenager. The middle one is the one to prevent migraines. I’m not so sure how well that will go over at work, but if it stops the migraines then everyone should be grateful. And if you’re wondering what is on my head, that is a turbie towel. I just got out of the shower. Funny side note – I told Jaime that one of the coolest things about her Dad was that he never, ever tried to voice his opinion on anything I did regarding piercings or tattoos, even though it wasn’t until the very end of his life that he became “ok” with tattoos and got his own. When I got my first tattoo he drove me to the parlour. When I pierced my nose, he just smiled. When I came home from Vegas with my second tattoo he said he liked it. So I know he’s just nodding and smiling right now and saying “It’s your body Wendy. You get to decide.” How I loved that about him.
All in all it was a decent weekend. Another “first” without Ben. I talked to him a lot this weekend, and I’m so glad that bluetooth is a “thing” now because the other people driving by me likely assume I’m on the phone. I’m not. I just like to talk to Ben while I drive. For some reason talking to him in my head just doesn’t do it for me. I need to speak the words out loud.
I miss you very much tonight, Ben. We all do. Thank you for teaching us resilience by example. We really wish you were here, but we are managing. And we are keeping your memory alive. xo
Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. And to the best one – my own.